Monday, November 14, 2011

What makes you happy?

Less of a blog, more of a list tonight. I find a way to be positive in prose.

Things that make me happy
- falling asleep next to scott
- macaroni cheese
- a random gift
- a really big hug
- a large mocha
That's all I got right now. Anytime this knot in my stomach would like to go away, would be just fine with me.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

A blank map

I stopped posting here for a little while, because shit got real. I thought I had things to complain about before, turned out that I didn't. It was as if the universe said to me, "go on - I'll give you something to really cry about"

So now both Scott and I are jobless as of 31st January 2012. It looks like we're going to have to leave this city, because there are no jobs for him here. It makes me nervous, anxious. I'm trying to find some faith that we'll fall on our feet, somewhere, but I've been working at this hospital for so long, living in this city for so long...

You know what? It's not even that. It's the uncertainty of everything. What is going to happen? Will Scott sue the hospital? If he did, would it work? If not, WTF DO WE DO NOW?!?? I feel like there is a cyclone of uncertainty in my head. And it turns out, that I married my equal in avoidance - Scott just doesn't want to think about it. And I understand, really I do. But I know that my cyclone won't stop until we take some action.

And yet, speaking to my mother today, she seemed to think that I need to stop the cyclone, before doing anything else. Find the eye of the storm, take a deep breath, and let whatever needs to happen, happen.

For the second time this year, I find myself wishing that I wasn't responsible for making decisions. Because people, I got nothin'.